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How many times is this man going to say kegel?

So, I find myself in the urologist office, at thirty five.  Wow, ladies, you should prepare yourselves.  It's like going to the gynecologist, with the stirrups and everything.  Toes should be polished, things should be shaved, very recently cleaned, etc...

I'm having a problem peeing, it hurts.  WTH?  So, my sweet, well-connected, husband sets up an appointment for me, with his colleague, across the hall.  This man happens to be attractive, with a beautiful accent, which makes all the (forth-coming) kegel discussion even more awkward for me (I'm immature).

So, I have my exam and the doctor says, in his lovely voice, I can't really tell you why you are having trouble peeing but, I am going to give you some medicine and I think you will have relief in a day or two.  Now, lets talk about your bladder.  Um, what?  I'm not here for that... Your bladder has dropped significantly, he says.  OMG.  He goes on to ask me if I sometimes pee when I sneeze, an even bigger OMG.  He asked me if I birthed big babies (no).  Or, had babies in rapid succession (BINGO).   So, attractive doctor, with nice accent, goes on to say you need to start doing kegel exercises, everyday.  You need to do kegel exercises, to avoid bladder surgery.  Kegel exercises will really help.  KEGEL! KEGEL!  KEGEL!

Wow, has this man had a private conversation with my husband? 

After my appointment, I head over to my husband's office, to pick up our children.  We visit for a while and then he walks us out.  Who do we run into, in the hallway, the nice looking doctor, who has just examined my girls parts, ALL OF MY GIRL PARTS.  Awkward.  We all get on the elevator together and he looks at our children and says, to me, "wow, you really have been busy!" Yeah, I bet he is really think kegel now.

Scary Mommy is Coming!

Last week, I'm rushing trying to get my boys (3 & 4) ready for vacation Bible school which starts at nine o'clock.  I also have an 11 month old so getting anywhere by nine is a REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT (needless to say, we didn't make it on time).  In the car, on the way there my son said to me, "mommy you were scary two times this morning."  Scary mommy... I'm liking this.  I'm using scary mommy everyday now

You don't want to pick up your toys?   Do you want scary mommy to come out?

Scary mommy doesn't like complaining about dinner!  Eat It!


Put your shoes on or scary mommy may leave you here.


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